Jessica Briggs

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Blog Military Life

Broken Ties: Unspoken Sacrifices of the Military Family

One of the hardest parts of military life is living far away from your natural family. Obviously, we live in different geographical places, but the separation is far greater than points on a map. As time wears on, the military family learns a new languages full of acronyms and looming thoughts of war. The family continues their patterns and banter, bubbling over with the hullabaloo of the hometown or dysfunctional family gathering. Our communities also look vastly different. The family may live in a neighborhood, taking walks through the area and saying hello to neighbors they’ve known for decades. Meanwhile, our base housing communities appear similar on the outside, but it’s not uncommon to hear your neighbor with PTSD screaming next door. The heroes we share backyards with are also our sports coaches, co-workers and the span of age between us all is minimal. There’s no neighborhood Grandma passing out cookies. Over time, the ties that bind us to our far-away family, by and large, get cut. 

The fray that remains still is love. We have our past in common. We have some continued knowledge of each other’s lives: who had a baby, who is getting married. Nevertheless, the cards stop arriving at Christmas. The invites to those life events altogether cease. No one remembers your children’s birthdays with cake, candles or a backyard barbecue. We become spectators in a far-away land to the celebrations and heartbreaks of our families. We wonder if anyone even remembers we are still part of the family, too.

We take some of the blame upon ourselves; maybe we should call or write more? Maybe I should’ve mailed change of address postcards after our 5th PCS? Maybe I should’ve stopped by for coffee the last time I was in town?

As hard as it is, our own flesh and blood cannot realize the pressure and restraints the military lifestyle causes. We never seem to call or visit frequently enough to satisfy our far-away relatives. While I am glad they don’t understand the rhythm of this lifestyle, the fact is our family time is already limited with our service member. Expecting video calls every weekend is difficult. We often times handle the ups and downs of life alone whilst supporting other military families walking the struggle with the support of their far-away family, too. 

We do indeed take care of our own. We show up to bring the new Mom meals. We keep the kids when a couple’s marriage is constrained and date night seems like a last-ditch effort to hold it all together. We sit across from young couples in the hospital who lost their baby, in the place a parent would normally be. We visit psychiatric wards where our neighbor tried to take her life, because she was bone-tired managing life with a husband half a world away at all times. We give the eulogies at funerals and arrange the meal trains when someone dies for our nation. This is just barely scratching the surface… We have more on our plates than most know or ever realize.

We have not forgotten you, faraway family. Yet, we must forge ahead as we silently grieve our losses, praying and hoping for friends who are like family at each place we report for duty. After all, with you far away, who will be our emergency contact? Who will take the kids if we need to go to the ER? Who will sit around our table to share our Thanksgiving and Easter meals and traditions alongside us? It’s not that we don’t care or don’t have time for you. It’s that we must build connections on playgrounds and in line at the commissary. We aren’t replacing you, yet we also hope we could find fill-ins for our children’s soccer games and piano recitals. 

The truth is, we are so lonely in this life, especially those of us who have chosen military life for the long-haul. We don’t want to hear how nice it is to retire between ages 40-45 from our relatives, because what we’ve had to forfeit for that goal is great. We have lost friends and comrades at war. We lose our community every 3 years when we relocate. And it seems we have lost well as you- our extended family- the Aunts and Uncles and cousins. We have to soothe our children’s broken hearts when they see their cousins make best friends with other children. We have to figure out how to fit FaceTime into each special occasion and celebration. And the sad reality is, it never seems to be enough to re-thread the connection we once shared. 

While we are filled with great pride to serve our Nation- which includes our family back at home- we also live in constant tension with loss. The cost of freedom isn’t free and sometimes we forget the line upon line of expense. You are part of that sacrifice that we are making.

Have you heard this saying?

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be, If it doesn’t, it never was.”

So to every Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin we live far from… we believe love is enough- no matter the distance, space or lack of connectivity. We realize you let us go- hoping we’d return. But we cannot tell what our futures hold as we serve our Nation. So please trust, while we are away, that this life we live, with all the struggles and misunderstandings, is our form of love toward you.

Blog Spirituality

Power With the People

The life of Jesus we have recorded is a treasure-trove of knowledge for ministry. His life and the way he served people has been the spotlight of sermons, books and leadership training for centuries. Yet, two thousand years later, many people teach leadership and ministry apart from his gentle ways. 

Other religions have even taken a page from Jesus. Gandhi is famed for saying he’ll take our Jesus, but not our Christians. Islam regards Him as a prophet. Most atheists are willing to bend and say he was a historical being. Regardless of your views of who Jesus was, He shows us through various stories the real key to service. Jesus always served from a place of Presence. He made himself available. He spent his time WITH people.

Real leaders suffers with people. You can’t throw a Bible study at someone going through a hard time. You can’t throw up a 30 second prayer at someone in the throes of despair. You can’t quote a Bible verse when someone’s heart is in their throat after receiving life-altering news.

The key to suffering with people is humility. Jesus was able to engage because he was willing to be humble. He was willing to see and know people’s mess, without coming from a place of judgment or rightness. He didn’t tell people “this is what you should feel.” He sat with, broke bread with, embraced, walked with and lived with people as a human being.

As a leader, Jesus didn’t ask people to be 100% committed to his vision. He simply invited people to follow Him.

As a leader, Jesus realized his friends would make mistakes. He established relationship with people, always making himself willing listen to the perspectives and feedback of those He served, seeking to empower and encourage them in their roles. He made space for grace when mistakes happened.

As a leader, Jesus set clear guidelines for the work He expected others to do and He took responsibility as a leader without finger pointing & ultimatums.

As a leader, Jesus created opportunities for inclusion and radical welcome. He invited people to sit at His table. And even after his closest friend Peter denied Him, Jesus chose to walk THROUGH reconciliation with Peter.

I am utterly heartbroken that so many Christian leaders and ministers do not emulate this type of leadership. It seems there’s regular news stories on “famous” Christian leaders being found out for their sexual deviance, abuse or cover ups. This is not a reflection on the heart of God! I have empathy for the droves of people walking away from American Evangelical faith because of the hurt and pain. I am embarrassed to be lumped into the label of “Christian” with people who ascribe to and use God as a way to harm others.

I’ve seen it play out in real life. When hardship arises, I’ve watched leaders quickly ask for blind following, instead of walking alongside in gentle humility for restoration. I have seen gifted, passionate, godly leaders feel obligated to pledge commitment to a mission statement over people. I have seen willing hands and open hearts let go from fields ripe for harvest because those running the show think they should use only their tools or interpretation. We create arbitrary ways of serving God and pressure creative, humble hearts to conform or to get off the field. That’s not Christlike leadership- that’s a power play. 

While the buzz word for years in Christian spaces has been “Servant Leadership,” many leaders in our modern time want the notoriety to be called a servant of God, they just don’t want to be treated like one. In order to become a true servant leader, we must have the wisdom and willingness to walk in true humility.

I am sick of power being cultivated, encouraged and worshipped in Christian spaces. We click and follow leaders who teach dogma and defend them on Facebook threads. We feel comfortable drawing boundary lines for God’s love. We let leaders tell us what the wisdom of the ages means, through their interpretation. We go along with the “rules” of the church because we’re afraid of losing our community.

The Reformation took place half a century ago because of Martin Luther’s belief in the priesthood of all believers. And in a few short centuries, we traded in our Popes for our trendy preachers with muscle shirts and Armani suits. Instead of collecting money for the Vatican to be built, we’re collecting money to build multi-million dollar stagescapes while the single Moms in the pews can barely make ends meet or the homeless person is begging bread on the corner. Is this what Jesus had in mind?

The only way we can reclaim a Christ-centered faith is to take the priesthood of all believers seriously. We who cling to Jesus must learn to love God, ourself and others, in deeply personal ways. We need to stand up and stop putting leaders on pedestals and using them as gurus for how to live like Christ. We have to look within our self as beings capable of being known and loved by God. When we can be attuned to our inner life, then we have capacity for empathy and walking alongside. We don’t need more theologians and apologists; we need more people who look and act like Jesus.

I challenge you to see who you’re following. Is it really Jesus? Or your Pastor? That Instagram preacher? Are they walking alongside others, or commanding others? The church is full of wolves in sheep’s clothing, and we’re seeing an unveiling of this truth on repeat. Christlike leadership doesn’t see people as a means to an end but as relationships to develop, as co-laborers running in tandem, without someone “in charge.”

You and I are people who make mistakes, and will never be perfect leaders. Serving Jesus isn’t about authority. It’s about equality. We have One Shepherd. Jesus is enough. He sets the table- he doesn’t bang on it and demand we do it His way or the highway. He ministers through loving us first, then by knowing and serving his sheep. He didn’t stop when it got hard- he pressed into the hard, scorning the cross of sin and shame, to die and resurrect. He didn’t tell Peter to walk away when they disagreed, or he denied him three times or even disobeyed. Jesus kept on leading and loving, give him grace without measure. Good leadership doesn’t marginalize those who pushback because it acknowledges leadership is about relationship. And Jesus was, is and always will be for relationship. His power will always be with people, and never over people.

Blog Military Life

Counting Up the Cost: Military and Kids

My husband encountered God in Iraq on his third combat deployment in 2007. Shortly after experiencing Christ, he felt the call into the military missions field to serve as a Chaplain. There were many hoops to jump through (a.k.a. undergrad, Seminary and ministry experience) until it came full circle and he commissioned as a Navy Chaplain in December 2014.  

While we pursued the call of Christ, we had to count up the cost of discipleship, the call to serve God’s people and our Nation. The costs were not only spiritual, but financial, identity forming and career changing, redefining our family’s trajectory, hopes and dreams, all while learning that every yes was simultaneously a no to something else. 

When we counted the cost to pursue a lifestyle in service to military members and their families, we forgot an important line item: children. We had none when the journey began, and now we have two dear ones. No amount of counting, budgeting and planning would’ve prepared me as a Mom for the cost of this lifestyle to my children.  

The deprecating “you knew what you were getting yourself into” comment doesn’t translate down to our children. They are the unseen sacrifice, offering their little life for the good of our Nation. They didn’t sign up for Daddy missing birthdays, Christmas and their first steps. They won’t ever get to say “my Dad never missed one of my games.” They don’t receive military training classes to show them the ropes, learn the acronyms or find camaraderie at the FRG. Few, if any, turn to them shake their hands and thank them for their service.  

Many parents I’ve rubbed elbows with (myself included) struggle most with how this military life affects our children. Absolutely nothing prepares you for the heartache of watching the military child’s cost. The inconsolable hours of tears when they say goodbye before deployment… then having to physically peel them off their departing parent when the goodbye comes. The good days peppered with a random meltdown and proclamation of missing Daddy…. The loss of sleep, acting out and misbehavior that accompanies a child unable to process and handle the grief of being without a parent, because they’ve been volun-told they simply cannot have them for a season.  

It’s gut wrenching. It’s hard to handle the reality and lies that whisper we are “messing our kids up.” We can’t fix or help or find a solution when Daddy’s *gone* but they just WANT him. Feeling helpless and unable to rescue them in their pain is antithetical to parenthood. 

In the midst of these sufferings, I’ve learned the cost of discipleship. Following Christ authentically often comes with loss, and this is especially poignant for the military family. My children lose their home, friends and routine every 30-36 months. They lose their actual father for seasons. Parallel to that, I likewise lose my spouse and parenting partner for large chunks of time. I lose the dreams of giving my children a happy childhood, free from hardship and pain. I lose my dreams of them growing up near family, having sleepovers with cousins and pool parties with lifelong neighbors. I lose hope that all these things can work together for their good and God’s glory in the long run. While being obedient to God’s call is never easy, some days my husband and I would rather abandon it all to shelter and protect our children. 

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:26-28)

While we do not literally hate one another, our military ministry has come with permitting the abandonment of family, one another as spouses and even our children at times. Following Jesus has led us through four deployments and five-ish years of accumulated time separated as a family. We’ve moved to four different states since having children. And we keep doing it for one reason- hope and love. The cross we bear is not easily explained and understood, unless you’re living it. Even with the added expense this takes on our children, we are determined to complete the call to build a tower, a monument of love, a life in service to the image of God in the people who serve our nation.  

My husband may earn ribbons and awards for his military service and I might get a certificate or two of appreciation. The kiddos might get some applause at the retirement ceremony someday. But what they’re really receiving in the challenges of this lifestyle is the rich soil of discipleship. A soul that is dug deep, overturned, broken up, cultivated and ready to receive seed. Seed that someday will prayerfully take root, and grow deep and bear good fruit- 10, 20, 100 fold. 

I do not know the outcome of how our lifestyle will truly shape our children but I believe that their role is equally infused with the Divine as they grow and mature within this lifestyle. I believe they will see the fullness of God in every human being we cross paths with across the globe because of their exposure to different places, people and culture. Following Jesus as a disciple is never rainbows and butterflies and my children have tasted the truth of hardship and trial in their early lives. My children also have tasted and seen the joy that lies just beyond the pain: the hugs and happy tears of homecoming. The pride of standing still with hand thrust over heart while evening Colors play. The instant connection and quick friendship they can build with other military children who “get it.” These are good gifts.  


So military families, take heart. The struggle bus will keep driving through the deployment woes and PCS goodbyes, the FaceTimes with grandparents and the empty spots at your dinner table each holiday. Jesus is at the wheel and he’ll take our families where He knows we need to go so we can love the broken and become disciples who make disciples. Living this military life like you’re on mission from God- every place and face ordained by Him to cross your path and your children’s path– changes the journey. We’re not prisoners on the bus, we are the brothers and sisters on the best road trip. The cost will be worthy of the call to be Jesus’ ride or die. The treasure is storing up in heaven.  

April is the month of the military child. Revel in those children and their sacrifices, strength and service. Squeeze them a little tighter. Honor them as the littlest disciples. Talk about their bravery and celebrate their strength. While they didn’t choose this life, they should be celebrated for their role in our Nation’s fabric.  

Blog Spirituality

Holy Week

To some degree, we all divide things into categories. It’s human nature. This week, as Chrsitian’s observe Holy Week, I find myself pondering: “what does holy mean, anyway?” I want to know it beyond the Hebrew or Greek definition…. Yes, we are “set apart,” but what exactly from?

Holy is another way of describing something supernatural. In faith, we consider communion, prayer, scripture reading, corporate worship, relationships, and marriage to be sacred. Material things, jobs, education, friendship, celebrating and the like is usually categorized as secular.

We divide out things into sacred activity and other things go into the secular category, as though they are dichotomies. We try to live life in spheres- church, home, work and the world. I believe this is why so many Christians are struggling. We compartmentalize our lives and don’t live authentically. We put on our mask for each sphere we operate within, and think we must keep parts of our lives hidden and separate from the other. On Sunday morning, we’re proper in our pew but on Thursday night we’re flipping people off on our drive home. Or we are teaching Sunday School but tearing people down with our words in the workplace. No wonder why we are thought of so hypocritically.

I believe sacred and secular aren’t opposites. I believe God became incarnate, became flesh and blood. If Jesus lives in our humanness, than all activities and elements of my life become sacred. Sacred means “holy or divine” yet I don’t think we can separate our experience with the Divine from our humanity. Jesus was human. He became like us to bring the sacred to us. Every ordinary thing is sacred. Every day, week, and month holy. All the ways we connect with God are through our humanity- we utter prayer with our lips, read scriptures or observe nature with our eyes, or practice silence by stilling our tongue.

Isn’t it sacred to hold a newborn baby?

Isn’t it sacred to feel fully known and loved by your spouse?

Isn’t it sacred to stand on top of a mountain and behold beauty?

Conceiving, carrying and birthing is a human experience. Choosing a companion, falling in love, and being committed in marriage is a hard, yet uniquely human experience. Hiking up a mountain, breathless and exhausted, is a physical experience. Those things we feel with our flesh can open our hearts to the Divine just as keenly as “church” can.

The fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) are holy. Love, joy, peace, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, patience, goodness, and self-control are all deeply human experiences. To love, to feel joy, to have peace, to act with gentleness, to be patient, to find goodness, and to be self-controlled are possible because we are connected with God. Jesus is in us, so we are invited to participate in His promptings.

In Exodus 3:1-6, there’s a story about Moses encountering a burning bush. He hears the voice of the Divine say “Take your shoes off, for you are standing on holy ground.” Moses was just working, minding his own business, tending his sheep in the wilderness. In an instant, a brush fire became revelation. God reveals himself to Moses in non-sacred activity, in his every day routine and work. When Moses became aware of God’s presence in the mundane, he then heard the Divine revelation that the ground was holy. The ground itself did not change in that moment; instead, Moses’ perspective shifted. He saw God in the ordinary.

What if we did the same? We have separated our human experience and called it secular, reserving holiness only for Sunday mornings. 

In this season of transition in my life, I am not observing Lent and Holy Week how I have in the past. I do not have a church to attend in our new place. Covid still prohibits many places of worship from gathering. I’m not giving things up for Lent or doing a Lenten Bible Study. I couldn’t receive ashes on Ash Wednesday. I didn’t get a palm branch to fold up into a cross on Palm Sunday. I am not attending or facilitating a Seder meal, Tenebrae or Good Friday service. And I’m not even sure I’ll go to church Easter Morning. It’s not because I don’t love Jesus or believe in community. It is just the reality of my life in this current time.

But you know… I see the Sacred and Holy everywhere I look. Creation testifies of the goodness of God here in Hawaii. Every beach and mountain top is sacred. Every new species of bird I observe is holy. Every person I pass in the hotel lobby is sacred. Every night, as I look into the eyes of my husband and kiss him goodnight, I find something set-apart. My children cuddled up on our couch as I read a book to them is holy. While rituals and tradition are meaningful, sometimes finding God in the ordinary rhythms of our life is just as awe-inspiring as a beautifully led church service.

Understanding that church is the Body of Christ and not just a nicely planned service with a bulletin means living a a set-apart life has little to do with our Sunday morning. Holiness is a lifestyle. We are not set apart to become special Sunday morning country-clubs. We are set apart to see God in all and through all. Holiness then becomes our humanity, every experience ripe with the Divine.

God is in all things.

God cannot be cloistered inside walls- He is God WITH us. Emmanuel. This year I find Holy Week hidden in the faces of my family, as we break the bread, say cheers with our dinner drinks, and enjoy a nice meal. I find Holy Week hidden in the nightly prayers of gratitude we say aloud. I find Holy Week in the thorny bushes found along the seashore. I find it in the sticks used to roast thorns. I see resurrection every morning as the sun rises. There is something holy outside the walls of our churches, if only we have the eyes to see.

Blog Military Life

Living Sent

An old church tradition during Epiphany is a practice called Chalking the Doors. With chalk, mark your lintel and doorposts, saying a blessing over the home- a tangible reminder that Christ dwells with us wherever we are, and that our home is a place of radical welcome, an outpost of His kingdom.

One of the valuable messages at the heart of the gospel centers on community. Being committed to people and our places means that we move toward people, instead of away from them. It’s hard to see that reality sometimes as someone who only plants her feet in one place for 2-3 years.

When we have to pack up and move to the next duty station, my heart focuses on the ending of relationships in my current place. When I experience pain, my instinct is to draw away, not toward.

These words from Shepherd of Hermas, second-century writings from the early church resonate:
“You know that you who are God’s servants are living in a foreign country, for your own city-state is far away from this City-state. Knowing, then, which one is to be your own City-state, why do you acquire fields, costly furnishings, buildings, and frail dwellings here? Instead of fields, buy for yourselves people in distress in accordance with your means. It is far, far better to buy this kind of field, property, or building, which is quite different and which you can find again in your own City when you come home. This ‘extravagance’ is beautiful and holy; it brings no grief and no fear; it brings nothing but joy.”

In just a few short weeks, we will pack all our belongings. They will be put into trucks, loaded onto boats and floated half a world away.

Our hearts will surely feel the grief as we say our goodbyes- a joy and evidence of love that grew during this season of life in Maine. A reminder that we lived sent, embracing all God’s people that walked through our front door.

I also look ahead with hope, at the other end of the rainbow awaiting- a new life to explore, a new opportunity to give our hearts away to new Ohana. When we get keys to our new Hawaiian home, the first thing I will do is roll out the welcome mat. This is the way of the military family- we learn to embrace that we live sent, on mission and ready to use our homes as an outpost for Love.

Blog Home Education

Advent Activity Calendar

Those who know me “in real life” have seen our photos of Advent throughout the Christmas seasons. Our family began keeping an Advent calendar when my daughter was born in 2009. This expanded to keeping the church calendar observance of Advent as well, where we light candles around the wreath, and talk about hope, peace, joy and love.

In our physical advent calendar, we fill each door throughout December with activities that draw us close to one another, usher in the Christmas spirit, or serve our local community.

Over the past decade and change, some things make it in the calendar as family favorites year after year. I thought I’d share some of our activities, in case you are not sure what to put in your Advent Calendar this year or in years to come!

ACTS OF KINDNESS

  • Tape quarters to candy/toy dispensers.
  • Hide Dollar Bills in the toy section of a dollar store.
  • Volunteer to wrap people’s gifts.
  • Hide a gift card in a popular book inside a Book Store.
  • Donate canned/nonperishables to a local food bank.
  • Donate to the Salvation Army (+bring a hot beverage to the Bell Ringer.)
  • Buy gifts for children in need through an Angel Tree, Foster Care or Shelter.
  • Buy gifts for a single parent/divorcee so he/she has something to open on Christmas morning.
  • Visit an elderly home and pass out candy or cards to the residents (+ read them a Christmas story or sing Carols.)
  • Volunteer to cook or serve people displaced during the holidays. Talk to them and look them in the eye.
  • Deliver treats to community helpers- police, firemen, post office employees, librarians, etc.
  • Send someone going through a hard season a gift (+flowers, cookies, etc.)
  • Pay for someone’s coffee or meal while using a drive through or restaurant.
  • Make a basket for Delivery Drivers with treats and drinks they can snag as they leave packages by your door.
  • Decorate your Trash Can with Christmas Bling and leave a gift for your garbage service.
  • SOCK Families in your neighborhood: stuff a stocking with holiday treats, cookie making supplies, games, etc. and hang it on their door.
  • Put together Christmas Care Packages for military members serving far from home.
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CREATIVE

  • Make a Christmas Craft: snow globes, ornaments,
  • Draw Holiday scenes
  • Make Paper Snowflakes
  • Make homemade Christmas cards.
  • Write a Christmas poem or short story. Share them with one another.
  • Write a letter to Santa!
  • Build Christmas LEGOs.
  • Make Snowmen out of Playdoh.
  • Make a popcorn, cranberry or paper garland for the tree or mantel.

FAITH-BASED ACTIVITIES

  • Celebrate St. Nicholas’ Day by putting out shoes the night before, filling them with candies and learning about Nicholas on December 6th.
  • Read about the Nativity and set one up in your home.
  • Act out the Christmas story based on Luke 2.
  • Write a letter to Jesus thanking Him for the past year.
  • Make paper crowns and talk about the Wise Men.
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FUN AT HOME

  • Decorate the Christmas tree.
  • Take a video of each family member singing their favorite Christmas carol.
  • Take a fancy bath in candlelight (+ some bath bombs, a glass of sparkly juice, etc.)
  • Family Spa Night- manicures, face masks, foot soaks! Whatever you like!
  • Take family photos in front of the Christmas tree.
  • Stay up late for a Christmas Movie Marathon.
  • Listen to Christmas Music (+ make a Family Christmas playlist on Spotify/Apple Music)
  • Watch a Christmas movie together by the fire (+ a custom movie-themed menu! Some of our favorites: Elf, Home Alone, A Christmas Story,
  • Unwrap 1 present early (it’s always a holiday book in our house.)
  • Host friends for a small holiday party (Ugly Christmas Sweaters, Cookie Swap, Christmas Movie Night, Christmas Jammies, Christmas Tea Party, etc.)
  • Campout under the Christmas tree.
  • Put each family member’s name in a hat. Draw names and write that person a love letter (or draw them a picture for little people) and put it in their stocking to read Christmas morning.
  • Google! The possibilities are endless! Learn: Christmas traditions in other countries. Christmas cookies to try. Why are wreaths round and green? Who was St. Nicholas?
  • Rock Around the Christmas Tree Dance Party
  • Family Game Night: Christmas Minute to Win It games, card games or board games.
  • Call/FaceTime/Zoom with far-away family (+ send a package with cookie fixings and bake together!)
  • Embrace the cold weather: build a snowman together; make snow angels; make ice wreaths; feed the birds; roast marshmallows outside; take a snowy hike; read a Christmas book under a snow-covered tree.
  • OR embrace the warm weather: Make sand angels; take a Christmas Beach Walk; put on Santa hats and pick up litter in your community.
  • Plant a peppermint garden. The next morning, Candy Canes sprout!
  • Put together goodie bags for classmates.

IN THE KITCHEN

  • Make pancakes for dinner (+ whipped cream to make Santa beards on everyone’s faces!)
  • Decorate Gingerbread houses or people (+make your own gingerbread, buy fancy candy, etc.)
  • Bake Christmas Cookies (+a family favorite or Sugar Cookies that you can ice/decorate altogether)
  • Make a Spaghetti Dinner, then have everyone eat with a silly utensil (whisks, spatulas, etc.)
  • Make an extra Casserole to deliver to another family during the bustle of the season.
  • 1st (or 2nd, 3rd, 4th) “Sundae” of Advent- have Ice Cream Sundaes for dinner with lots of toppings.
  • Eat dinner: by Candlelight, picnicking by the Christmas tree, get dressed up
  • Put together a menu where all the food is red & green.
  • Make reindeer feed.
  • Share a holiday drink: Eggnog, Mulled Cider, Wassail, homemade Hot Cocoa with warm milk, chunks of fresh chocolate and toppings (+or get hot cocoa bombs!)
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OUTINGS

  • See a Live Nativity.
  • Go choose a Christmas Tree at a local Farm or through a community-based organization to support your local businesses.
  • Catch some Christmas Fireworks.
  • Go to a Tree Lighting Ceremony.
  • Take a Christmas Lights Drive (+pickup dinner on the drive- we always get pizza! I also pack cookies, popcorn and cocoa.)
  • Go Christmas Shopping.
  • See a Christmas concert.
  • Take a horse-drawn carriage ride.
  • Go ice skating.
  • Take a Christmas vacation!
  • See a movie at the local Movie Theatre.

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Blog Musings Uncategorized

The Emptiness

Jessica originally shared these words at a Wave of Light Service on October 15th to honor Pregnancy and Infant Loss.

Only one who has lost a child knows the journey. The beginning of the path is full of thrill as you announce ‘we’re pregnant.’ As you walked ahead from that joyous discovery, you began to birth dreams and hopes for your baby, well before their due date draws near. And one day, you lose a grip on hope, and … well, now the road has left us carrying around a great emptiness. 

Empty arms.

Empty dreams.

Empty milestones.

Empty hopes.

Empty nurseries.

Empty wombs.

Losing a baby is an emptiness that is all-encompassing; yet in our world, we are often told to fill our emptiness. We walk around like empty suggestion boxes, and people fill our ears and hurt our hearts by saying things like: “At least you can try again”… “at least you know you can get pregnant”…“there’s always adoption”.. “Be grateful for the children you do have.”

As if your gratefulness will help this emptiness.

As if another life, or another baby, or another child will somehow make you forget THIS child.

As if reminding us that our now-empty wombs once held life is some type of comfort.

I am not here tonight to tell you how to fill the emptiness. In my own experience with loss, I know that’s not possible. It’s been 13 years since my miscarriage, and the emptiness is still there. Because this emptiness has a name- grief. And grief never goes away; it simply becomes a new room in our hearts, a place we forever hold special memories, a place where our dreams go that we  never could see come true; grief is the place our wonderings of what would’ve or could’ve been live. It’s in this emptiness, this house of grief, where the memory of our baby’s life lives on. I’ve learned to embrace and welcome this emptiness instead of wishing it away, being numb to it, ignoring it or covering it up. 

The emptiness has become a companion. I have heard it said that grief is all the love we hold in our heart that now has nowhere to go. I think the very best way we honor our children who were gone too soon is by holding onto that love. We embrace our emptiness, knowing that special place in our hearts belongs to our baby.

I want to encourage you tonight to welcome your emptiness but to also not allow the emptiness to become a place of loneliness. Isolation is the most dangerous side effect of loss and we know miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility and infant death is complicated grief that often leaves people unable to comfort us. There’s a plethora of education and information to help with the grief process, but somehow those resources don’t seem to help us feel included, seen, or surrounded. We might know how to cope with the waves of grief but we don’t know how to cope with the feeling of being alone. 

You do not have to grieve alone. 

You do not have to remember alone. 

I believe grief has the power to push us into community and belonging instead of isolation. In this room, we share commonality tonight because of the emptiness we each have known. We all walk the dark path of grief. We all know the heartache of not celebrating our baby’s first steps, first birthday, or first time saying “mama” or “dada.” These thoughts can be painful. We might avoid them altogether. We might think them in our heads but be afraid to say them out loud, for fear of seeming silly or overly emotional. Yet simultaneously, we are afraid to forget our baby, sometimes even in the midst of our fear of remembering.

There is a section of scripture I’d like to share with you from my faith tradition. It’s found in Psalm 139 and it says: 

“Where shall I go to escape your spirit? Where shall I flee from your presence? If I scale the heavens you are there, if I lie flat in Sheol, there you are. If I speed away on the wings of the dawn, if I dwell beyond the ocean, even there your hand will be guiding me, your right hand holding me fast. I will say, ‘Let the darkness cover me, and the night wrap itself around me,’ even darkness to you is not dark, and night is as clear as the day. You created my inmost self, knit me together in my mother’s womb. For so many marvels I thank you; a wonder am I, and all your works are wonders. You knew me through and through, my being held no secrets from you, when I was being formed in secret, textured in the depths of the earth. Your eyes could see my embryo. In your book all my days were inscribed, every one that was fixed is there’.”

We are all here because we know what it’s like to let the darkness cover us and feel enclosed by the night. Losing a baby feels very much like a covering of darkness- a place to just crawl into and hide. We feel alone and angry, maybe even embarrassed to have hoped and shared that our little one was coming. While there is a time for mourning, the hope within our grief is that we are not alone- whether you are in the heights of heaven, the depths of hell, or in the testy waters of fresh loss, we stand together tonight with you. Every day and moment of your baby’s life mattered, whether baby was a 5 week embryo or a fully birthed child.  

The light bursting into the darkness of our grief says that our experience, though painful and personal, is also collective. At one time or another, each human being experiences the emptiness of loss and learns to make a home for grief within their hearts. Tonight, in this place, we gather as a community to share our love and light, our pain and sorrow, our hearts and our heaviness together. We will say your baby’s name. We shared sacred stories of loss. And We will create a wave of light that helps us know and see in a tangible way that the light always overcomes darkness.

And the mystery that I’ve learned is that emptiness is also the home of empathy. As we each push into our grief, share our pain and our stories, we create a crack in the darkness that allows the light to come in for others who have built a room in their heart for grief.

I want to affirm that you are allowed to share your thoughts when you miss your baby. In a world that tell us to be quiet when we are suffering, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel. It’s okay not to be okay- and you can talk about that, too. You don’t owe anyone an apology for bringing up your baby’s memory. You are allowed to remember and honor the special dates- when they were due, when they slipped away, and the day when you had to lay them in a coffin too small to understand. This is how we keep the light with us, finding that we are not alone as we reach out and remember. Often, and statistically speaking 1 in 4 times, you will be greeted by a fellow- sojourner who says “me too.” And you never know- sometimes when we share our darkest moments, it seems as light to someone else.

Blog Spirituality

Temple View

Matthew 4 holds a story about Jesus‘ time in the wilderness. He is joined by the tempter, and travels with him to the highest point of the temple- the southeast corner. When they arrive, the tempter says “throw yourself down,” and then quotes Psalm 91 to Jesus, inciting that surely the angels can rescue Jesus. The question the tempter poses is this: “Don’t you have faith in God? Won’t he take care of you?”

This question has become the mantra of Modern Christianity. The lyrics of George Michael boil our faith down to this: “You just got to have faith.” If you just believe, you’ll receive. If you can quote a verse about blessing, God will come through. 

We see the poor on the street and we pray: “God provide for them!” Yet we never open our wallet. We see the broken-hearted and we say “God has a plan!” Yet we refuse to journey with them through their valley of grief. We see crumbling marriages and we say “God hates divorce! Just go to this marriage retreat or read this book. It holds the secrets to improve your marriage.” Yet every night spouses sleep in different rooms, so hurt and wounded they can’t find common ground.

Jesus‘ response to the tempter is one we can all take more seriously. In Matthew 4:7, Jesus says “do not put the Lord your God to the test.”

Trying to put God to the test is it’s own crisis in Christianity. We think there are formulas for getting what we need from God. We really live from a belief of magic or superstition most of the time. God is not a king in heaven to be bribed or manipulated by gifts, prayers or deeds.

We see evidence of this mentality of God as a genie in a bottle. Why are powerful people so inclined to go off the rails? Wouldn’t more power or money make us better people? Yet when we look to the ultra rich, we see the fruit: bullying, entitlement, sexual harassment, arrogance, elitism, excessive consumerism. Power seems often to corrupt. It’s why Jesus said “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God” (Luke 6:20).

Jesus teaches us that power is not for the benefit of the powerful. He shows us in his temptation that power was meant to benefit the powerless. Power is for with-ness, for relationship. Gaining power over the kingdoms of the world seems like a noble and right thing to do, but we see in Jesus’ life He didn’t come to gain power over anything.

Maybe temptations aren’t always about the things we could sin by doing. Thomas Merton said

“the greatest temptations are not those that solicit our consent to obvious sin, but those that offer us great evils masking as the greatest goods.”

Sometimes temptations come to help us find our priorities. Sometimes temptations come to help us remember we are empowered, but should not be powering over anyone else.

The Temple Jesus stood atop during this discourse is intentional I think, and points to a larger application. Jesus didn’t use the temple to display his power or glory. He didn’t use his position to tower over the world or display spiritual authority. The temple today is us. Whole-hearted faith includes both our spiritual self and our humanity. Whatever it is we have, it is not for us. Our wealth is not to for the benefit of being wealthy; it is for being with the poor. Influence is not primarily for the benefit of the influential; it’s for using influence to empower the weak.

What’s in your hand? Surrender it and see it for what it is. You didn’t hustle and earn it. You were given it to help others.  Choose whom you will serve today.

Blog Spirituality

Sabbath is Self-Care

Self-care is usually categorized as “worldly” or in another camp outside of our spiritual practices. The idea of Sabbath, though, is the inherent concept of self-care. Self-care is not selfish. Self-care is integral to having a healthy, flourishing faith in Christ.

Sabbath was made by God for humanity (Mark 2:27). The Sabbath was the first act of participation by humankind with God. In the creation account of Genesis, God created humankind on day 6. Therefore, the next full day cycle is Sabbath, the seventh day and the day of rest. What an important concept to grasp- before we can produce, work, hustle, or even form meaning, we much first rest. We see this in our natural world and human experience- a newborn baby rests a tremendous amount in those fresh days of life, in preparation for growth and maturity.

Sabbath is a spiritual rhythm that makes space for us to rest. But rest is not the opposite of work; rest is work of a different order. Rest was always meant to be held as a sacred space where we feast, celebrate and enjoy the fruits of our labor. ⁣
⁣
Rest cannot mean just the ceasing of work- the extracurricular activities, the social events, the trawling online, the Netflix binge, the pedicures or massages. That’s more accurately named leisure. But rest… rest is a re-orienting of our humanness.

We need time carved out for remembering the good, rejoicing in the truth, savoring and slowing down. ⁣Sabbath creates time for delight. We surrender the to-do list and pursue what sets our souls on fire.
What is your truth?
Where do you find goodness?
Where do you see beauty?
For me it looks like a nice meal with relaxing instrumental music, lit candles and reading a book aloud with my family. In warmer months, it’s a walk by the ocean. We don’t always have to set aside huge amounts of time for rest, but we should get into the habit of setting time aside for the pursuit of truth, goodness and beauty.
⁣
Rest pushes us to remember we’re relationship-oriented, not accomplishment oriented. We are human beings, not human doings. It stops the hustle of wanting moremoremore and instead focuses on the now. Rest gives perspective. It reminds us Who orders our days and sustains our life. Sabbath naturally creates a rhythm of gratitude; as we make time to focus on the present, the gifts come into view more clearly. ⁣
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Lastly, rest is not always easy or gentle. Setting aside time for meaningful pause really enables us to learn and grow. Making space for rest requires diligence, attention and hard work. It’s a choice to set aside the to-do lists and deadlines, to slow the hustle and spend time really soaking in the truth: we earn no love from God; instead, we rest in his love. ⁣

“The number one enemy of Christian spiritual formation today is exhaustion,” writes Jim Smith. Maybe we should be less afraid of a spiritual enemy, and be more aware of the pace of our lifestyles. We often are our own worst enemy.

Book

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Brave Women, Strong Faith: Inspiring Stories by Military Women and Wives is a “battle cry of praise.” The collaborative authors of this project have successfully shared the military experience from the Christian perspective. In it’s pages, this book seeks to comfort those feeling alone, encourage those facing struggle, and to connect those in need of community.

Whether you’re a military spouse, active duty member, reservist, family member of a service member, or just a Christ-follower who wants to understand faith within the military, you’ll enjoy this book!

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