Jessica BriggsMilitary couples face challenges in their marriage in ways most people never have to explore. This is especially true as we endure long separations from one another because of the service member’s obligation to our Nation. My husband and I have been on both ends of the spectrum- having a failing marriage during deployment and also working toward a thriving marriage despite the physical separations.
Ways we can enrich our relationship long-distance vary. As people of faith, incorporating belief and hope into our marriage building has been enriching. While there’s many articles on practical and useful ways to handle deployment, little exists on how to stay on the same page spiritually.
Research shows sharing morality both in a marriage and family solidifies relationships. While you tick off packing lists, arrange finances, discuss how to parent the children in your spouse’s absence, and consider emergency plans, be sure to include a discussion in how to share your faith during deployment.
Here’s a few suggestions we’ve tried over the years:
Tip #1- Read matching devotionals while you’re apart. My Aunt gifted us our first set of matching devotionals when my husband left on his first deployment to Afghanistan in 2003. We’ve continued the tradition over the years on subsequent separations. This practical tool gives us commonality in our faith, keep us on the same growth track spiritually and give us the ace in the back pocket to discuss when communication gets tough.
Devotional pages often include the calendar date, so I’ve also found it to be a great place to jot down important dates in my spouse’s copy to remind him of events, birthdays or leave him little romantic notes.
During deployment in my copy, I like to jot down important milestones, such as the day we said goodbye, the half-way point, and the homecoming, once it finally arrives! It’s a nice reminder of God’s steadfast presence in this time.
(A word of encouragement to those who’s spouses have differing faiths: Even before my now-Chaplain hubby had faith, he was willing to read a devotional with me! Just ask- you never know unless you do.)
Recommendation: Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.
Tip #2- Choose a deployment scripture.A much wiser, seasoned Marine Corps wife shared her story of how she and her husband purposed their hearts to serve God foremost in service to our Nation. This meant viewing deployment time as a mission from God, and by using this lens she was able to see the faithfulness of the Lord present with her through each deployment separation. Together before their goodbyes, they chose a scripture to pull them through the tough days and to serve as encouragement.
Choosing a deployment scripture can become a beautiful reminder of God’s faithfulness throughout a difficult season. When facing difficult circumstances, we often need to cling to the Word, and deployment is no exception.
Choosing an anchor verse helps to remind us that God will sustain even in the hard, miry throes of deployment. There’s days where it feels impossible and moments you’d rather quit, but we can do hard and holy things. We can honor God and do his will even during deployment. Muttering his promises and faithful words in the midst of our struggles can revive and recharge our hearts.
Our most recent deployment Scripture was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Tip #3- Find Spiritual Community We are not created to live life alone. Alone becomes strikingly apparent when your spouse leaves for an extended time period. It’s wise to safeguard against becoming isolated, which we know leads to feelings of depression or anxiety.
As those left behind on deployment, it’s not too hard to find a place to worship on Sundays. But it’s even more important (and equally difficult) to build relationships with people who share your faith and values and who can offer biblical encouragement when days get tough. BEFORE your spouse deploys, try to build relationships with those people who will become like family, the ones you can call when Murphy’s Law strikes and you get a flat tire. You’ll need faithful people who you can text for prayer and encouragement. People who can speak God’s truth in love to you when you’re having a hard time juggling solo parenting.
It’s equally important to encourage the deploying spouse to find likeminded community while away. Most commands have a Chaplain on deployment who can help find spiritual resources. Don’t want to talk to the Chaplain? There’s usually lay leaders in your crew or squadron, too. Find those people in your ranks, and go to weekly Bible study or Chapel together.
Tip #4- Never Underestimate the Power of Prayer Miles apart, an easy way to unify your hearts is to pray together. If you’re able and connected, make it a habit to have daily prayer on the phone or messenger together. If you’re less connected, then pick a 31 day prayer plan and commit to pray over each other even when you can’t communicate.
Bottom line: Share as much as you can in your spiritual journey together. Do you scripture journal? Share the plan with your spouse- they may want to jump on board. Do you take sermon notes? Email them to your spouse every Sunday afternoon. Does your place of worship stream the message? Then pass along the link so they’re hearing the same sermon. Do you love worship music? Then send your Spotify playlist to your Main Squeeze, too. Building intimacy long distance isn’t simple, and it’ll take some extra time and effort, but it will make post-deployment adjusting a little easier. As people of faith, our desire for growth should be mutual and should include spiritual development even while apart.
