Jessica BriggsWe love sayings that are idealistic, in fact I have Pinterest boards and journals full of encouraging quotes, yet many times I have a hard time incorporating them into everyday reality. “Love is All You Need,” a popular Beatles song, has stuck in the hearts and minds of people for decades. I have a soft spot for the Beatles, my favorite band in high school. I even have a mug I drink coffee out of most mornings with these same words: “Love Is All You Need.” I love this saying because as a Christ follower, I believe love is the driving force for good in this world and the cornerstone of my faith.
We talk about love a lot as a military community– we say that love is how a man or woman is willing to give their life in service, and for some in sacrifice, for our Nation. Love is what got us married into the military in the first place, and love led us to become participants in this great adventure called military life.
But the reality of love isn’t rainbows and roses (can I hear the married people say amen?). As Followers of Christ, love in the kingdom isn’t about what you get. It’s about what you can give.
Yet, some of the messages we perpetuate in our community is that we deserve something more. Message boards and conversations abound where milspouses discuss how annoying the military lifestyle can be, how irritating our spouse’s job is or how civilians have no clue what we go through. While there’s a time and place for productive conversations to improve our lifestyle, most of what we buzz about is not building one another (or our communities) up.
1 Corinthians 13 says what love looks like the best way (from The Message):
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut.
Doesn’t have a swelled head.
Doesn’t force itself on others.
Isn’t always “me first.”
Doesn’t fly off the handle.
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth.
Puts up with anything.
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
I would say milspouses love fiercely, but let us do so by speaking grace and truth to one another. Let’s be a group of people known not for excessive complaints and comparisons, but for being LOVE to each other, and to truly spur one another to love and good works.
Here’s some ways I have struggled, and have had to open my eyes to the reality of love:
I’m so tired of every leave block being spent visiting family and friends, always driving to that part of the country and then everyone expects me to run around to see them. Instead of complaining about the inconvenience and cost, let’s change the script to read love. Instead, open eyes of love see that a visit home is enjoyed with all the quirks of family, because this might be the last time you play a game of cards with Grams. I’m happy to drive home and then make moments to go here, there and everywhere to remind people who matter to me that I love them. Surely, love can sacrifice a tank of gas. We’re people willing to give our lives in service to our country. Let us be people willing to sacrifice small things, too. Even for our family members and friends back home. Because, love cares more for others than for self.
I’m so tired of hearing my civilian friend complain that her husband is on a 2 day business trip. My natural response would be to say big deal! I mean, I’ve spent 5 years apart from my man as he keeps *you* safe. I need to capture those reactions and filter them through love. Love doesn’t have a swelled head nor does it strut it’s stuff. Instead I can see my friend struggling with her spouse’s absence as an opportunity for me to encourage her, pray with her and reassure her that her doubts and fears are normal and natural. Instead of one-upping her with my stories of holding down the fort solo, I can bring by her dinner to relieve some of the stress in her day. Instead of playing comparisons, I can care for her in her time of need.
I’m so tired of my husband’s long work hours. Don’t they know he has a family back home? Instead of giving my husband a piece of my mind when he gets home, love says I shouldn’t fly off the handle. I cover his dinner plate and put it in the microwave. I tuck the kids into bed. Instead of reeling on my phone, posting on social media about my irritation with long work hours and excessively texting him to complain that I’m unhappy he’s not home, I use the time to pray for his work environment, leadership and comrades. I look for the best and take the extra moments of solitude as a gift, reading a book or calling a friend.
I can’t help but see that at the heart of all these thoughts, the concern is for *myself.* When I lean into the Kingdom, opening my eyes to see God’s love at hand right now, my perspective shifts. I cannot respond to the heart of God with a heart for myself. My response must be love- love for Him and for others. Love is all we need to keep trucking through this lifestyle. After all, love never gives up.
Where does your script need to change to read “love?” Love turns our problems into opportunities to let the Kingdom come, right now, on earth as it is in heaven.
Love isn’t easy. It’s always involves sacrifice. I sacrifice my impatience to be patient when Uncle Sam delays homecoming, instead of jumping on the spouse’s page to vent. I sacrifice my deployment horror stories to hear someone else’s story, even if it doesn’t hold a candle to my trials or tribulations. I don’t have to force myself, my opinions and experiences on others. My only charge and obligation is to love. I get to throw away my scoresheets and build loving, safe places.
I want to build and participate in a community that doesn’t look back, but only looks forward. I want to live in base communities that care more for others than encouraging us to stay stuck in our own loathing. I want my milspouse friends to speak love and truth to me in all the trials that will come my way in this lifestyle. God is trustworthy in the ebbs, flows and unknowns. Love is, and can be, all we need to live this crazy, hard and refining lifestyle.
